An email just popped up on my screen as I sat down to write this. Subject: In the mood for some gratitude? Why, yes. Yes, I am!
And then it proceeded to list ten things you can be grateful for AND BUY from their website.
Sooooo…
I feel all kinds of annoyed by that.
Although to be honest, I’m feeling annoyed by so many things right now.
First…
I am now the not-so-proud owner of three Taylor Swift songs. I blame Sing. And also Lego Ninjago. Plus, I might just be the only person in the entire world who actually likes Look What You Made Me Do and maybe that’s because of the Right Said Fred thing in the song makes me feel all 1991 but whatever it is, I am now part of the Taylor Swift problem. Meaning, her music is catchy but her lyrics are atrocious and somewhere John Lennon is rolling over in his grave because of my heresy. Tay-tay, you’re making me cray-cray. So annoying.
Second…
Three packages of baby wipes have been sitting on my kitchen counter for six weeks because I bought them for the SECOND Hurricane Harvey drive at Saffron’s school and then I kept forgetting to send them with her but now I can’t bear to use them so they just sit there. Staring at me. Accusing me of robbing the Salvation Army of a donation. Their entire existence paralyzes me. So annoying.
Third…
Skillet has discovered a love for making farting noises.
Fourth…
I had a parent/teacher conference for Saffron this week and it lasted all of seven minutes. I’m mostly new at all this stuff but I really wanted some additional time for her to tell me how awesome my daughter is. You know?
She’s excelling in all subjects, including being quiet, and after having to hold her back because she hadn’t caught on to reading or writing or enjoying school at all, this is a joyful experience for me.
She’s still crying for me, at home, because KIDS ARE LOUD, and NO ONE LISTENS, and WHY CAN’T I WEAR FLIPFLOPS, and 47 DEGREES IS PERFECT WEATHER FOR THIS SUNDRESS, but she keeps all that to herself until she gets home.
And I would kinda like for someone to give me a medal or a trophy or $1 million sweepstakes prize for enduring all of her pent up Highly Sensitive Person stuff ALONE.
So I was basically annoyed the teacher had not read my mind to know how much I needed parental affirmation and instead just talked about my daughter, FOR SEVEN MINUTES, and sent me on my way without even a pat on the back. TRA LA LA.
(Her teacher is a DELIGHT)
Fifth…
So annoyed I can no longer eat biscuits.
(Don’t EVEN talk to me about gluten-free bread products.)
(Just don’t.)
Sixth…
I am oddly annoyed by FaceBook and Instagram jacking with their algorithms…AGAIN…and trying to force us lowly, poor writers to use video or PAY for a sponsored post just so people will see us.
And listen, I am not the girl who does something because you tell me to. No, ma’am. I am the girl who will specifically NOT do what you tell me to do. And while I wish refusing to do video felt a little more THE MAN CANNOT KEEP ME DOWN, it’s really more like me making sure only four people see the words I write on any given day.
Why you gotta be that way, Mark? Like, can’t we just have all of the posts in our newsfeed come up in chronological order? That seems to make sense. Because seeing my SIL’s post of her adorable niece 9 HOURS LATER is unfair. I need cute baby pictures PRONTO and not when your programming system decides to let me see them. Am I supposed to thank you for that? I mean, I will, because she was super cute but still.
Stop jacking with us, dude, and put our pictures BACK IN ORDER.
Seventh…
I purchased a light I can clip on my phone so when I get over being annoyed about having to use video to reach people, I’ll be ready. But currently, it is also sitting there, on my shelf, just staring at me, accusing me of cowardice. And I can’t really argue with that assessment. Although, another week of four people visiting the site and I might have to get over that.
In Closing (and all God’s people said AMEN)…
I continue to be annoyed with infertility and grief and unmet expectations and time and cancer and having to give up Diet Dr. Pepper…again…and moldy pumpkins.
However, I am not annoyed at God or So Will I (One Hundred Billion X) because that song continues to bring me to my knees a month after first hearing it.
Also not annoyed with 47-degree mornings because running.
Not annoyed with Honey Crisp apples being on sale for $2.29 at ALDI.
Not annoyed with getting ready for our neighborhood’s 2nd annual pumpkin carving party.
Not annoyed at friends driving 45 minutes into Dallas with me to eat gluten-free Bananas Foster pancakes.
Not annoyed with still being able to grill out.
Not annoyed with college football because I will basically watch any game, as evidenced by my inability to not move a single muscle until Texas or Oklahoma State finally won their game last weekend.
Not annoyed at Skillet asking me to watch him play football with Daddy.
Not annoyed with Saffron’s precious toothless smile.
Most definitely not annoyed that marching band season is almost over for Dr.
And I am grateful for you.
